I Need a Drink, and a Vacation...by Myself

 

My church held a women's fashion night fundraiser this past Saturday, and I was asked to put on a fashion show, where I featured vintage pieces from my shop.  I did and September was a crazy month.  I've already expressed that.  This post is not about that.  It's about what happened at home. 

 

I was at church on Saturday from 12-9 pm, and in hellish heels for 4 hours.  I feel so relieved to finally  go home around 9 p.m. and as soon as I walk in the door, I see the living room has random toys and clothes thrown all around.  That doesn't bother me because I know my husband must have had his hands full watching the kids all day and he's putting them down upstairs, so I continue to look for my family.  We bathe and change the kids in my son's room, but instead, I see my husband changing the kids in my daughter's room and there are more clothes thrown in the hallway.  This is the conversation that happens next:

 

Me: What's going on here? Why are you changing them in here?

Jonah: Jessie pooped on the carpet.

Me: what do you mean? What did you say?

Jonah, yelling: Jessie pooped on the carpet.

Me looking at husband: What's he talking about?
Husband: Exactly what he said.

Me: Huh?

Husband: Jessie pooped on the carpet.

Me: Oh my.

Husband: and then..

Me: What do you mean and then? There's more?  HOw did this happen?
Husband: She was naked and she pooped on the carpet?
Me: WHY WAS SHE NAKED?
Husband: I was getting her ready for her bath and she ran outside and did a kimchi squat and pooped in front of Jonah's train table.

Me: Oh my gosh.

Husband: and then, she picked it up.

Me: WHAT?
Husband: and then she put it in her mouth.

Me; NOOOOOO

Husband: and then I yelled, "JESSIE" and she threw it on the ground.

Me: NOOOOO

Husband: you're going to have to rinse out the bathtub because brown stuff kept smearing everywhere.

 

Husband then proceeded to go to church because he was in charge of cleaning up the fashion night. 

 

Later, Jonah tells me, "Did you know poop has crumbs?"  Oh my goodness.

 

So, after cleaning the smeared poo on the bathroom and scrubbing down the bathtub and cleaning the carpet, I put Jonah down and went downstairs ready for a beer and some pizza.  I find an ant colony on my countertops.  So, I probably cursed out loud and cleaned the counter, picked up the mess in the living room, and enjoyed my beer and pizza at 11 p.m.  That was the best beer and pizza I ever had.